I recently read a post by Cranberry: A Test. It reminded me of the things that I noticed in CL. Many men wonder how to identify a good woman. So let me dissect her post.
So, for the first time in over 15 years (not counting the occasional wedding or funeral over the years), I consciously attended mass this Sunday. Or, I should say, I tried to. I walked to Church with my children on a cloudy but not too cold Sunday morning, and arrived in time to find a pew and say a quick prayer asking God for a sign that my decision was a correct one, a just one, and asked for the strength to live by my faith.
She decided what she wanted to do, discussed it beforehand with her husband and did it. She walked to church with her children and did not whine and expect him to hold her hand or drive her to church.
Five minutes later, just as the altar boy was lighting the altar candles and the priest was dressing in the sacristy, my youngest, only 16 months old, took a dive out of the pew and into the small rack used to hold the missals and hymnals. She split her eyebrow open and was bleeding profusely, into her eyes and down her nose into her mouth. Well, I had asked for a sign, but what I think I received was a test.
She sincerely prayed and calmly handled what transpired.
I find it distasteful to use my phone too much in public, and I thought bringing it to Church on Sunday would be impolite and unnecessary, so I left it at home, and then promptly needed it. Some very nice men and women at Mass helped me gather my older daughter and our things, and let me borrow a phone to call my husband to pick us up – I did not think my little one would relish a twenty-minute walk home with a bleeding face. He came promptly and we took our little one to the ER for some surgical glue (she did not need stitches, thankfully) and were home by noon.
Others helped her and she relied on her husband who was more than willing to meet her needs and be supportive, because she is a capable woman. Life is not so scary for a woman that does not need to control her husband and other people she encounters in life.
My husband can be very sarcastic, but he was surprisingly quiet. He is very dutiful towards the family and was justly concerned for our child, but I was very surprised by his reaction to the incident. He said “this is a test – do you go back next Sunday, or stop going altogether?”
Her husband challenges her and helps her see what she should do without dictating to her. Her husband is a good man that is a benevolent leader. Notice that her husband does his duty. (That he chose her is a testament to her worth.)
He meant no disrespect at all. He was truly asking me to affirm my decision to raise our children as Catholics and not take the easy path away from it simply because of a cut eyebrow. I took some time to think on that, and I know what I was given was not really a Sign, but a Test. A Test to see if I would let small things turn me away, for surely larger challenges loom before me, whether they be large in the scope of the world or merely large in my own personal sphere.
He helped define the issues and was patient for her to decide. He was supportive but wanted her to find her inner strength and resolve. Notice the calmness of his guidance and her reflection. (More men need to learn to do this because it bonds a woman tightly to a man that has this skill.)
I’ve said before that I think my husband, for all his non-practice, is a better Christian than some professed Christians I know. He lives by the principles even if he doesn’t practice, and he thinks a decision, once made, ought to be seen through until it comes to its logical conclusion. He is a leader, and that is why I adore and love him. He supports my decision about this religious matter even if he does not embrace it himself, and he has said he will not let feast days or sacramental days pass without his presence. I will not argue with or press him further, for he has given me a gift I dare not disparage.
She appreciates and proclaims his character. She respects her husband. She trusts him because he is a man of principles and lives by them, regardless of whether he is a professed Christian. Her husband is not a waffling wuss and she is a secure woman because of his stability.
I will return to Church with my girls next Sunday. This is a small thing; so small to my little one, in fact, that only a few minutes after it happened, she was smiling and cooing again. My older daughter is curious about Church and Jesus (she calls him Cheeses in her three-year old way) and I am eager to share what I know with them.
Her husband helped her define the problem, but let her realize the answer. He supported her and was proud that she maintained her resolve to stay the course which she had previously decided upon. Many women would change their minds if things did not work out perfectly. (Again she reveals herself to be a fine woman, but her man’s guidance was critical in bringing the best out of her.)
The next great hurdle I must clear is confession. I am apprehensive about it, but determined to go and make a good one. I’ve been meditating on the past two decades of sin I’ve lived and think it might take more than a few minutes in the confessional to absolve me – perhaps a few weeks’ worth of confessions are necessary for me. But I was taught that all can be forgiven if you approach God with an open heart and are willing to be truly repentant, and to do good works as penance for sin, and to resolve to live in Grace. I want to live in Grace and I am trying every day to [do] what a righteous Catholic woman ought – love God, my husband, and our children, and take only those actions which honor them.
She demonstrates her humility and shows that she has done sincere soul searching. She knows that it is not a simple “Sorry Lord” and all is magically transformed into lollipop meadows where unicorns frolic. She has hope, but is contrite and realistic. Her hamster is not running her life, because there is little evidence of rationalization. Notice the order she mentioned; God, husband, children. She seeks to honor her husband.
Did God answer her prayer? Yes, but not in the way she expected. It was a both a test and a sign. She learned more about her strength. She learned that her husband was worthy of trust. She was affirmed in her submission to him, since he actively supported her decision, guided her in realizing the answer, came to her aid when needed and she honored him by writing this post revealing that a wife can trust an ordinary man. Notice how she even said he is a better man than many professed Christians.
I present to you, Cranberry, a good wife, a woman subject to her husband… submissive. We all need to remember that the Bible was not written in English and our perceptions and definitions have become warped. The word submissive has become an insult and a negative thing. It is time for Christians to reclaim and affirm the real meaning of submissive.
Cranberry is a fine example of the type of woman a man should marry. And women should notice that her post is that of a calm woman demonstrating contentment in her marriage. I encourage other women (especially Christians) to practice such demeanor.
Of course I know that as a woman, sometimes Cranberry is likely very emotional and dramatic. I expect that her husband can deal with that by allowing her the freedom to feel, yet maintaining boundaries for her well-being. More women should learn to appreciate such a man, but I think this will fall on deaf feminine ears.
CL
7man
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