Providing Constructive Criticism

"Hey, they're not half bad." "Nope...they're all bad!" "HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!"

Providing constructive criticism is a gift to the person criticised. A wise person will accept such criticism, whereas a fool will reject it. If one gives criticism while angry, it is likely to be perceived as an attack and is highly likely not to be of any use. If one criticises someone else without the intent to help that person, one is also not being helpful. Criticising and then walking away betrays the intent of the critic as non-benevolent. If you truly care about the other person, you should be willing to help him correct himself, or at least to stand by him and allow him to learn from his own mistakes without you turning your back on him. Likewise, humiliating a person in public rather than admonishing him in private betrays a lack of benevolence toward that person.

All of this shows the importance of not being angry when you decide to open your mouth (or pick up your pen, or hit “submit”). When clouded by strong emotion, it is difficult to offer wise counsel and criticise constructively, which includes the willingness to help, whatever form that help takes. If we are given reproof with love, we are more likely to accept that reproof, but we can also be wise enough to accept criticism no matter the source, although we may not count a malevolent critic among our true friends. The truly wise learn from everyone, but this means sifting out the wheat from the chaff in their words; separating the emotion and even the intent from the valid criticisms.

The discomfort caused by criticism is an invitation to growth. It is possible even to come to like it, knowing that it is an opportunity, and we needn’t become defensive. One needs a thicker skin when it comes to criticism but also a deeper appreciation for honest, helpful criticism. Having a curiosity and willingness to learn and to see one’s self in an unfavourable light is essential and the effort required not to react (i.e. the knee-jerk emotional response) is worth it, because real learning and growth don’t generally come from pleasant experiences.

People often react and take offence to that which does not even apply to themselves, feeling the need to defend those who feel attacked and protect them from fair criticisms, which only helps them maintain their own delusions and so is not a charitable act. Telling a tone deaf child that he is musical is not going to serve that child well in life. Honesty, when coupled with the best interests of and love for the person, is much more charitable (though it may seem like the opposite to our modern, rather fragile sensibilities) than protecting someone by misguidedly defending and adding to his delusions.

And now, I await much criticism for this post!